To be blunt, as I generally am, I’m not a touchy-feely type of person. I’d consider myself stoic, and I’m happy with that assessment. Call me out of touch with my feelings, but I’d rather say, “Suck it up Buttercup” than emote warm fuzzies.
I like to think this serves my family really well though. My oldest daughter has had a lot of serious medical needs, surgeries and hospital stays over the years. While of course we have never denied her any comfort or empathy we could offer, I’ve also always been honest with her. I tell her when something will hurt and when I think something isn’t worth making a fuss over.
Throughout the course of her journey, and especially because of her tenacity as a really cool heart warrior (happy CHD month), she has become the bravest kid I know. While I realize this is mostly due to her innate resilience and patience — which is evident in everything she does, especially homeschooling, a constant uphill climb — I do like to think that a little bit of her courage is due to the frankness and honesty about her condition, how we address challenges, and how we frame our outlook.
I didn’t set out to talk about Josie in particular in this post, but I think with it being February and having just been to a cardio appointment last week with a somewhat undetermined future again in the forefront of my mind, I’m needing encouragement in general. We learned she has some possible narrowing around her aortic valve (which two of her three open hearts addressed); we already know it will need replacing when she’s through puberty. I’m expecting an MRI appointment call soon to help see what’s going on in there.
In my other, somewhat more normal day to day life, I’ve noticed a lot of people struggling on social media. Various things. Moms overwhelmed. A dad being diagnosed with late stages of cancer, prayer requests for unexpected losses, unplanned pregnancies where you can’t do anything but feign 100% joy because are you even Catholic if this isn’t a 100% great time to welcome another baby, and I know I am rambling now. But I see it. I see a lot of suffering in our walk as Mom. The demands are constant. The dishes pile up. The counters get sticky. We somehow dump a bag of sugar from the top of the fridge so it cascades everywhere and must be vacuumed out.
Really though — when do we get a moment to sleep, let alone think? Or are we selfish if we enjoy getting out of the house and feel value outside of domesticity? These are all real conversations I have observed online or participated in just this past week.
There’s a lot of a lot out there to beat us over the head with uncertainty.
No one is immune.
Think she has kids? This is the nicest room in our house btw.
This morning I woke up before the sun because I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep because of all of the presentations I know I haven’t yet gotten around to even prepping. I lay in bed mentally tossing and turning.
Those other kids* have got math down. They’re so far ahead. Wow their kids love to read. Novels and novels. They discuss politics while my kids thought George Washington was the guy who drew Mickey Mouse.
True story, my kids though the symbol of the Trinity was a hidden Mickey.
*hodgepodge of imagined, ideal kids and / or other homeschool families we know
Instagram doesn’t show the flaws. I don’t want to give the impression that we’re not up to par because no one wants to give that impression — especially when it’s your job to raise and educate your kids. Social media is great for logging the good moments, but it doesn’t show my frustration or discouragement when my 11 year old still doesn’t grasp counting by fives or what the numbers on the clock mean.
The struggles do make me want to work harder though. So when people ask why I do all that I do — it’s usually driven from a place of inadequacy that I cannot shake. Things I lose sleep over.
So this post is supposed to be about encouraging homeschoolers. I suppose so far it’s me trying to commiserate.
I did want to suggest some ideas about how I cope with burnout.
Set yourself up a safety net before you spiral out.
What I mean is, you’re likely going to feel either discouraged or frustrated or overwhelmed at some point. Have a plan in place to catch you before you hit bottom. A preemptive strategy of mine for frustrating days is honestly to scrap the presentations that day and go outside. Some days are harder than others for a myriad of reasons. On those days, I already know it’s ok to go to the park or let the kids watch a movie because we can keep schooling through Summertime. One of the big reasons we take December off every year from school is because I know the pressure of getting to all the Winter events and whatnot already taps out my energy. So plan ahead those breaks. Give yourself a built-in excuse to take a step away.
Anchor that net with tangible, quantifiable goals.
What really discourages me most is seeing other kids further ahead of us. I tend to compare and think, we should be doing that work now. My kids should know all this already at their ages. Why can’t my kids spell anything ever? But are my expectations realistic and in line with my goals?
Today I had that jealous feeling again, so I pulled up our homeschool goals for the year. Turns out we’re actually right on track minus a couple things I can squeeze in next year. Ultimately we’ve accomplished so much more than I thought we had.
Trust yourself. You know your kids, their interests and abilities. You know how hard to push them. Don’t let someone tell you — indirectly or not that you don’t understand them or their ultimate best interests.
Deep breaths.
Remember to recharge with hobbies, friends, books, music, exercise — whatever brings you a sense of peace. It’s hard to squeeze in personal space to recharge, but try to give yourself that boost on a regular basis. I bake like a crazy person because I like to have that sensory connection to the dough, the smell of the bread baking, seeing it rise, the butter melt down, hearing that crackly crust, the taste and success of having done something from start to finish. Give yourself whatever that is. It doesn’t have to be huge — a Netflix binge even — try different activities until you find yourself breathing again.
Just keep climbing. Set your eyes on the future being mindful of the moment.
Don’t forget why you’re homeschooling. I love being with my children. I love inspiring them to learn. I love knowing their work is challenging for them. I don’t, however, love the attitudes I get when I request a revision of some writing work because someone’s cursive looks akin to a Florida hurricane spaghetti model forecasting, but I ultimately try to keep my eye on the end goal. Legible handwriting. Step by step. Rung by rung. Hopefully we get there someday.
So we keep working, keep climbing — just keep swimming.
I know I ramble a lot.
Essentially my idea of encouragement is practical, and it’s blunt. Remember to set goals, have a backup mode for bad days, know you’re probably already doing better than you think, remember we are all human and all struggling, find your community, find a hobby, take time to breathe — and remember, most importantly, you can always try to catch up over the Summer anyway. 😉
Hang in there mama, you got this. I’m linking up to Timberdoodle’s homeschool encouragement blog hop. Please join us!
